It’s been 8 months since D-Day, and we’re still living together because I can’t afford to move out. I’m a stay-at-home mom with no income of my own. It’s incredibly hard emotionally. We sleep in separate rooms and barely speak except about the kids. I’m trying to find a job, but it’s slow going. Every day feels like torture, but I have no choice right now.
Anonimous betrayed wife
These heart-wrenching words echo the pain and turmoil experienced by countless betrayed women trapped in unfulfilling or toxic relationships. The emotional toll of betrayal is devastating, but for many, the fear of financial instability becomes an invisible chain, binding them to their pain. “Live as roommates,” they say. “Pretend to be a grey rock,” they advise. “Do the 180,” some preach. But only those who tried compromising know the toll that co-living after betrayal takes on your emotional and physical health.
It’s clear that when we’re overwhelmed, our nervous system can shut down, leaving us feeling unable to cope with even the simplest daily tasks. Every betrayed wife I’ve talked to has experienced this struggle. They are faced with a never-ending list of responsibilities, from work to taking care of the kids and home, running errands, cleaning, doing the laundry, and so much more. It’s incredibly difficult to manage all of this when your nervous system is in survival mode.
I understand that toxic relationships can be incredibly painful, both emotionally and physically. It can feel as if you’ve been hit by a car, and the pain may be so overwhelming that you might wish to be put into a medically induced coma and just send the pain away. Unfortunately, numbing yourself out is not going to do it.
Financial Freedom: A Holistic Journey to Prosperity
Welcome to the Financial Freedom section! Now, before you start envisioning spreadsheets and budgets (I promise they’re friendlier than they look), let’s chat about something that often flies under the radar: the mind behind the money.
You see, achieving financial freedom isn’t just about crunching numbers; it’s about understanding the subconscious beliefs—our “money scripts”—that quietly influence our financial decisions. As financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz explains, “Our money scripts are typically unconscious beliefs about money, formed in childhood, that drive our adult financial behaviors.“¹
No one wakes up and thinks, “Today, I choose to get into debt!” (If only poor financial choices were that straightforward.) The reality is, many of us unknowingly carry forward financial habits and attitudes we’ve picked up from family, society, media, and friends. It’s like we’re on financial autopilot, following a route we didn’t consciously set.
In fact, a study published in the Journal of Financial Therapy found that individuals unaware of their money scripts were more likely to engage in destructive financial behaviors, such as compulsive buying or financial denial.² So, if you’ve ever found yourself avoiding that stack of unopened mail (we’ve all been there), you’re certainly not alone.
But here’s the good news: Just as we’ve learned these subconscious beliefs, we can unlearn them! By bringing our money scripts to light, we can start to challenge and change them. As Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad Poor Dad, says, “The single most powerful asset we all have is our mind. If trained well, it can create enormous wealth.“³
Our goal here is to take a holistic approach to financial freedom. We’ll explore not just the “how” but the “why” behind our financial habits. We’ll delve into strategies for breaking free from debt, maximizing your savings, and unlocking new income streams—all while keeping an eye on the subconscious beliefs that might be steering the ship.
Remember, as Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You to Be Rich, cheekily notes, “We all get our personal finance knowledge from somewhere—the problem is that most of us learned from people who were as clueless as we are.“⁴
Your journey to financial freedom starts here
So, let’s embark on this journey together, combining practical financial strategies with a deep dive into the psychology of money. After all, when we align our minds with our financial goals, that’s when the real magic happens. Here is your roadmap:
1. Break Free from Debt
I know, not sexy. But after taking advice from the best books and respected authors on becoming wealthy, one thing was clear: It is impossible to create an abundant life without willingly managing your finances. So please take a deep breath and bare with me while I explain you why this is necessary and how we can make it more enoyable.
Debt isn’t just a financial burden; it’s often tied to deep-seated beliefs about money. Inspired by Dr. Brad Klontz’s work on money scripts, we’ll help you identify any subconscious beliefs that may be contributing to debt accumulation. By recognizing and rewriting these scripts, you can change your relationship with money and adopt healthier financial behaviors. Coupled with practical strategies from experts like Dave Ramsey, you’ll be equipped to eliminate debt effectively and sustainably.
2. Maximize Your Savings
The idea of saving money can seem absurd, especially if we are in debt. However, you lose nothing by starting to educate yourself on the matter. On the contrary, by preparing for a future “problem” that you surely want to have – how to make my money work for me? – you start to change your money scripts (that negative self-talk that keeps you bound to the same habits and, therefore, the same experiences) and create new possibilities for your future. Literally.
Your money scripts profoundly influence your attitudes toward saving. Do you believe money is scarce and hard to come by, or do you feel it’s meant to be spent freely because there will always be plenty? We’ll delve into these subconscious beliefs to understand how they impact your saving habits. By aligning your money scripts with your financial goals, and utilizing techniques from Ramit Sethi and others, you can enhance your ability to save more effectively without feeling deprived.
3. Unlock New Income Streams
Sometimes, limiting beliefs about money can hinder us from pursuing new income opportunities. Whether it’s fear of failure or skepticism about success, these money scripts can be barriers to financial growth. We’ll explore strategies to identify and overcome these psychological hurdles, drawing inspiration from Dr. Klontz’s work. By reshaping your mindset and embracing the possibilities, you can confidently explore new income streams like leveraging PLR and MMR products, as well as other entrepreneurial ventures.
There’s no true emotional freedom without financial independence.
Cristina Di Dario
The elephant in the room no one is talking about
You might know by now that in my own journey, I’ve discovered, after repeating the pattern of financial dependency, that money matters – and a lot. That is true to life in general but even more so to intimate relationships. And here’s why:
- There’s no true emotional freedom without financial independence. Yeah, girl, it’s true that money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it surely gives you options. Once you’re free from the limitation of not having enough, you might be more equipped to choose whether to stay or leave from a place of empowerment, not fear.
- Financial problems are consistently cited as one of the top reasons for divorce, according to research, clearly indicating that financial hardship can strain marriages in several ways.
- The more frustrated you are, the more you will look for unhealthy “solutions” to get rid of your suffering – including ignoring your finances and creating more debt – and less freedom.
Numbing ourselves is a major issue
I get it, it hurts. And the more it does, the more we try to cope with our emotional pain by artificially boosting our mood, often turning to unhealthy habits or quick fixes like relying on pills, caffeine, sugar, food, drinking, partying, shopping , travelling – and the list goes on. It’s essential to recognize that even if this strategy grants us instant gratification and temporary relief, it will never solve our problem and definitely is not the healthiest way to cope with such difficult circumstances. That is why, in my own experience and the women I’ve helped, it became clear that starting a journey within is critical.
And I understand that in most cases, within is the last place we want to travel, especially when it hurts that bad. But believe me, it’s the only place where you will find lasting solutions to whatever challenge you’re facing in life. Taking the time to pause and assess the situation, your thoughts, correspondent feelings and emotions can help you get raw and real about what’s bothering you and what your boundaries are. From there, it will be clear what your non-negotiables are, and only then will it be possible for you to draw your new path and prepare to walk through it by TAKING ACTION.
Impact of Financial Stress on Marriages
Here are some interesting numbers:
- Approximately 45% of couples argue about money at least occasionally.
- 25% of couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge.
- More than 70% of divorcing couples report that money and credit abuse by a spouse are contributing factors to their separation.
- As debt increases, marital satisfaction decreases, resulting in less time spent together as a couple and more arguments over money.
- Financial stress can lead to a self-defeating cycle where couples attempt to problem-solve but experience greater negativity as important money issues resurface and remain unresolved.
- Conflicts about money tend to be more pervasive, problematic, and recurrent compared to other marital issues.
At Better By Intention, we understand that the journey to empowerment isn’t just about finances—it’s about nurturing your overall well-being. If this was not true, everyone who had money would be instantly happy, and we know that this is not the case. Let’s talk about the interconnection between wealth and well-being and how it’s backed by extensive research:
Financial security significantly impacts life satisfaction and mental health (Netemeyer et al., 2018). While money alone can’t buy happiness, it provides resources to meet basic needs and reduces stress related to financial instability. Studies show that individuals earning $60,000 or more annually tend to report better health and well-being (Kahneman & Deaton, 2010).
However, it’s not a simple equation. Beyond a certain threshold, additional wealth may yield diminishing returns in terms of happiness (Jebb et al., 2018). True financial well-being encompasses more than just monetary assets; it includes a sense of security, the ability to achieve future goals, and peace of mind (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, 2015).
Wealth and Well-Being: A Reciprocal Relationship
Good mental health can positively influence financial decision-making and wealth accumulation (Guven, 2012). This intricate dance underscores the importance of holistically addressing financial and mental well-being, as improvements in one area often lead to benefits in the other (Garman et al., 2007).
So, if you are living a life you never imagined for yourself, one where financial fears keep you tethered to a situation that no longer serves you, you’re not alone, and the numbers tell a stark story. Here, you’ll discover actionable strategies to gain financial control, enabling you to make decisions from a place of strength rather than fear. Then, the power will be in your hands whether you choose to stay or go.
Make Your Mess Your Message: The Healing Power of Entrepreneurship
Focusing on a new source of income can be a powerful tool for healing and self-discovery in the aftermath of betrayal. This approach, often summarized by the phrase “make your mess your message” (attributed to motivational speaker Robin Roberts), encourages individuals to transform their painful experiences into opportunities for growth and service to others.
By channeling energy into creating a business or side hustle, betrayed partners can shift their focus away from the betrayer and the associated drama, instead directing it towards self-reflection and personal development. This process of entrepreneurial exploration prompts deep introspection: What unique skills or insights have you gained from your experiences? How can you use these to help others facing similar challenges? What products or services align with your newfound purpose?
As you contemplate these questions, you’re not just planning a business but rediscovering yourself and your potential. Whether you offer coaching services, create supportive products, or share your story through writing or speaking, this journey toward financial independence becomes a path of empowerment and healing.
By building something that is uniquely yours, you’re not only paving the way to financial freedom but also reclaiming your narrative and finding purpose in your pain. This creative process can be deeply therapeutic, allowing you to transform your struggles into strength and your experiences into expertise, all while working toward financial independence that can provide a sense of security and options for your future. Then, you can choose from empowerment, not fear.
He says I need to focus on my own recovery. I told him that my recovery also takes into account his recovery, and he says it can’t, that he needs to go at his own pace. I’m feeling numb right now. I love him. But the trust is 100% gone. How do you heal from betrayal trauma?
Neyssa J – Betrayed Wife
That situation is indeed painful and complex. The numbness we feel is a typical response to betrayal trauma. While it’s natural to want to focus on your partner’s recovery, her husband is correct in saying that she needs to prioritize her own healing. Here’s what I would tell Neyssa J.:
- Self-focus is crucial for healing. Research shows that concentrating on your own recovery after betrayal trauma is essential for effective healing and personal growth. By shifting your focus inward, you can know your boundaries and begin to rebuild your self-esteem and emotional well-being.
- Boundaries are essential: Establishing clear boundaries based on your needs is a vital part of the healing process. Your partner’s request for space to recover at his own pace might be a healthy boundary that can benefit both of you in the long run, as long as he’s also willing to dive within to get to the root cause of the betrayal.
- Rebuilding trust takes time. The complete loss of trust you experience after a betrayal is normal. It is a gradual process that primarily depends on new agreements and boundaries—which, of course, need to include the actions of the betrayer to a great degree —but also requires your own journey of self-discovery toward healing and growth.
- Financial independence matters: While not explicitly mentioned in your testimonial, achieving financial independence can be a crucial step in healing from betrayal trauma. It provides you with options and a sense of security as you navigate this difficult period.
- Make your mess your message: Consider channeling your pain into personal growth or even a new venture. This can help shift your focus away from the betrayal and towards creating something positive from your experience.
There’s No True Emotional Freedom Without Financial Independence
We often overlook this truth, but it’s at the core of genuine empowerment. When you’re financially dependent, your choices are limited, your voice is muffled, and your dreams are constrained. Financial independence isn’t just about money—it’s about having the power to shape your own life and protect and help the ones you love. So it’s time to silence the saboteurs within and Reclaim Your Power!
You might wonder, “If financial independence is so crucial, why haven’t I taken steps to achieve it?” The answer often lies in what positive psychology expert Shirzad Chamine calls our “inner saboteurs.” These saboteurs are the negative voices in our heads that fuel self-doubt, fear, and inaction. They whisper limiting beliefs like:
- “You’re not smart enough to start a business.”
- “You don’t deserve financial success.”
- “It’s too risky to leave your current situation.”
- “You’re too old for that.”
- “You’ll fail if you try something new.”
These saboteurs contribute to a lack of self-esteem and paralyze us from taking action. They’re the invisible chains that keep us locked in unfulfilling situations, normalizing the absurd and making us believe we don’t deserve better.
“When you have the means to support yourself and your dreams, you have the power to make choices based on what’s truly aligned with you, not out of fear or dependency.”
Cristina Di Dario
I decided to offer an open marriage. I get to keep home, my pet and not look over my shoulder again.
Karen B.G. – betrayed wife
Wait, what?
Phew, that’s a lot to unpack, right? Let’s break it down together and see what’s really going on here. First off, can we just acknowledge how tough this must be for Karen? Betrayal is no joke, and it can really shake a person’s world. It looks like Karen’s trying to find her footing again, but her solution might need a little rethinking.
What Karen’s Really Saying (Without Actually Saying It)
- “I’m scared of change”: Keeping her home and pet? That’s Karen holding onto what feels safe and familiar. And honestly, who can blame her?
- “I don’t want to be blindsided again”: That bit about not looking over her shoulder? It’s screaming, “I’m tired of being hurt and surprised.”
- “I’m not sure I can make it on my own”: This is where the whole financial independence thing comes in. Karen might be worried about standing on her own two feet.
Between the lines, we can see Karen’s fear. Fear of change, fear of financial insecurity, fear of starting over. And you know what? That fear is valid, but it shouldn’t be the driving force behind life-changing decisions. Here’s the thing: while Karen thinks she’s solving her problems, she might be setting herself up for more heartache. An open marriage isn’t a magic fix for trust issues or financial worries. It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm – it’s not really addressing the root of the problem.
What Karen Really Needs (And Maybe You Do Too)
- Emotional Empowerment: It’s time for Karen to reconnect with herself. To heal from the betrayal and build up her self-esteem. Remember, as we discussed earlier, numbing the pain or seeking quick fixes isn’t the answer.
- Financial Independence: Instead of clinging to the marriage for financial stability, Karen needs to explore ways to stand on her own feet. As we’ve seen, there’s no true emotional freedom without financial independence.
- A Support System: Whether it’s friends, family, or professionals, Karen needs people in her corner who can offer guidance and support. Remember the power of building a supportive sisterhood in business?
Karen’s story is a perfect example of why financial independence is so crucial, especially after betrayal. When you’re financially dependent, your choices are limited, your voice is muffled, and your dreams are constrained.
But here’s the good news: just like you, Karen has the power to change her story. The digital age has opened up countless opportunities for women to build financial independence on their own terms. Whether it’s starting a business from home, working remotely, or building a brand that aligns with your values, the possibilities are endless.
Your Financial Freedom is Your Ticket to Overall Well-Being
It’s true that money doesn’t bring you happiness. However, it does get you choices that can potentially make you—and the ones you love and care about—happier.
Imagine waking up each day not with dread but with excitement! Imagine making choices based on your desires, not your fears. Imagine building a future that’s entirely yours, free from the whispers of the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy of unhappiness and distress.
And now you might be thinking, “But I’m not ready” or “I don’t have what it takes.” Let me stop you right there. That’s your inner saboteur talking. The digital world has leveled the playing field. You don’t need to be a tech wizard or have a fortune to invest!
The Digital Age: Your Pathway to Freedom
With the right mindset and guidance, you can:
- Start a business from home with minimal upfront costs
- Work from anywhere, on your own schedule
- Build a brand that aligns with your values
- Create financial independence on your own terms
This isn’t a fantasy. It’s your potential reality!! And to help you unstuck and give you a head start, I’ve created a fantastic ebook, that will guide you through this journey with ease and flow:
Your First Step: Wealth + Wellbeing (for less than a coffee)
I know it feels overwhelming. Where do you even start? That’s precisely why I created “WEALTH + WELL BEING: CRAFTING YOUR MINDSET FOR BUSINESS SUCCESS.”
This isn’t just another course. It’s your roadmap to financial independence and personal growth. In our 68-page and 12-chapter E-book, you will be guided through a journey of inner transformation and knowledge to empower. It was designed specifically for women like you who are ready to reclaim their power, silence their inner saboteurs, and take that first step toward true freedom.
And since I don’t want money to be an issue, you can grab my ebook for only $7!!
In “Wealth + Wellbeing,” you’ll discover:
- A holistic approach to wealth that nurtures your overall wellbeing
- Discovering your why in business
- Turning Passion into Profit
- Crafting a Success oriented mindset
- The journey of self-discovery in business
- Unleashing your inner strength as a Womanpreneur
- The power of intuition in business
- Overcoming Self-doubt
- Overcoming the fear of failure
- Breaking Free from perfectionism
- From comparison to inspiration
- Building a supportive sisterhood in business
- Creating a Personal Vision of Success
It’s Time to Choose You
You’ve spent enough time putting others first. Now it’s your turn. Your future self – financially independent, emotionally free, and truly empowered – is counting on you to take this step.
Remember, true emotional freedom is impossible without financial independence. It’s time to reclaim your power, your choices, and your life.
Are you ready to write your next chapter?