Hey there, beautiful soul!
I know you’re navigating a challenging path right now, and I want to honor the strength and courage it takes to even consider the journey of financial empowerment and how to rebuild your financial life after Infidelity. One of the biggest obstacles many women face in this situation is the way financial dependence can create a biased view of their own needs and desires, even on what is healthy.
When we rely on a partner for financial support, it can be easy to minimize or overlook the importance of our own financial freedom. We might tell ourselves that we’re being taken care of, or that we don’t need to worry about money because someone else is handling it. Well, my friend, let me tell you, and as cozy as that place might be, trust me, you don’t want to linger there. Read on and understand why.
Theres no true emotional independence without individual financial empowerment.
Cristina Di Dario
The paralysing fear of financial hardship
I know from experience that leaving what’s familiar and stepping out of your comfort zone can be one of the scariest parts of this whole journey. After going through something as painful as betrayal, it’s totally normal to want to hold onto what feels safe and known, even if it’s not really working for you anymore. The thought of venturing into uncharted territory and starting over can be downright terrifying, especially if you’ve been relying on your partner financially for a long time. It’s easy to start doubting yourself and wondering if you’ve got what it takes to make it on your own and rebuild your financial life after a betrayal or if you’ll ever be able to create the same kind of security and stability that you had before.
So I want you to know that it’s completely understandable to feel worried about how you’ll support yourself and your loved ones. In fact, research shows that financial dependence is one of the main reasons women stay in unhealthy relationships. A study by the National Network to End Domestic Violence found that 98% of abusive relationships involve financial abuse, and 56% of women who experience abuse say that financial insecurity is the biggest barrier to leaving.
This is where the concept of Betrayal Blindness Syndrome comes in. Betrayal Blindness is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd to describe the way our minds can unconsciously choose to ignore or minimize signs of betrayal in order to maintain a necessary relationship. While this concept is often discussed in the context of emotional betrayal, it can also apply to financial betrayal and abuse.
Ignoring Betrayal Redflags out of Fear of Confrontation
For example, when we’re financially dependent on a partner, several red flags may arise that a person can unconsciously choose to ignore or minimize. These can include unexplained absences or changes in behavior, such as staying out late or being secretive with their phone or computer. They may also notice their partner becoming more critical or dismissive of them or withdrawing emotionally and physically from the relationship.
Financial red flags, such as unexplained charges or purchases or a sudden change in spending habits, can also be signs of betrayal. A person with Betrayal Blindness Syndrome may make excuses for their partner’s behavior or convince themselves that they are imagining things to maintain the relationship and avoid the painful reality of betrayal. By learning to recognize these red flags and trust their own instincts, a person can begin to break free from the cycle of betrayal and reclaim their own.
As you may have guessed, Freyd sees one of the solutions for betrayal blindness as working to become less dependent on the one betraying us. The good news is that recognizing the ways in which financial dependence can blur your vision is a powerful first step in breaking free from the cycle of betrayal and reclaiming your sense of self-worth and autonomy. From there, you can gain more clarity so you don’t allow those fears to paralyze you, keeping you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and holding you back from taking the steps you need to grow and change. You can begin educating yourself on the signs and dynamics of emotional and financial abuse, which is crucial for you to start to *make choices that align with your own needs and values.
Fear and the self-fulfilling prophecies
Let’s examine what I mean by a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The basic concept behind a self-fulfilling prophecy is that your belief about a particular outcome can drive the actions that eventually lead to that outcome becoming a reality.
And I know, that seems like a bold statement, but this is a widely recognized concept in various fields, including sociology, psychology, and education. It has been applied to understand a wide range of social phenomena, from the effects of stereotypes and discrimination to the impact of teacher expectations on student performance.
“A false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true.”
Robert K. Merton
Some background History:
The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” was coined by the American sociologist Robert K. Merton in his 1948 article “The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy,” which was later included in his book “Social Theory and Social Structure” (1957). In his work, Merton defined self-fulfilling prophecy as “a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true.”
He described it as a situation where a person’s belief or expectation, even if initially false, leads to behavior that causes the belief to become true. Merton’s concept of self-fulfilling prophecy was influenced by the Thomas theorem, formulated by sociologists W. I. Thomas and D. S. Thomas in 1928. The theorem states: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.”
When we let fear control our decisions, we often create the very outcomes we’re trying to avoid. That’s why it’s so important to shift our mindset and beliefs about money and our capabilities. By focusing on your strengths and resources, you can start to see new possibilities and opportunities for financial independence.
This is where the power of mindset comes in. By shifting your beliefs and attitudes around money and your own capabilities, you can start to see new possibilities for your financial future. You can challenge the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in dependence, and start to cultivate a sense of abundance and self-sufficiency.
Shifting your mindset
So, how can you start to make that mindset shift? One powerful tool is self-awareness.
By tuning in to our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around money, we can start to identify patterns and beliefs that may be holding us back. We might notice that we tend to avoid financial conversations or that we feel guilty or ashamed about wanting more financial independence. Take some time to reflect on your beliefs and attitudes about money.
Are there any limiting beliefs holding you back, like “I’m not good with money” or “I’ll never be able to support myself”? Challenge those beliefs and look for evidence to the contrary. Remember, you are capable of learning and growing in any area of your life, if you take a stand for yourself and choose to do so.
Another great way to cultivate self-awareness and shift your mindset is through practices like yoga, meditation, journaling, or engaging in a process of coaching. These tools can help you get in touch with your inner wisdom and develop a more empowered, abundant mindset. Studies have shown that mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation can actually change the brain, increasing self-awareness, resilience, and positive emotions. Working with a coach or therapist can provide you with personalized support and guidance as you navigate this journey.
Through those practices, we can start to unpack these beliefs and replace them with more empowering ones. We can rewrite our money story from a place of scarcity and dependence to one of abundance and autonomy. As we start to see ourselves as capable and deserving of financial freedom, we can take meaningful steps toward creating it in our lives.
Another key aspect of cultivating a wealth mindset is surrounding ourselves with supportive people and resources. This might mean joining a financial empowerment group, working with a financial coach or advisor, or reading books and blogs (and in “Financial Empowerment“, you can find resources and ideas on how to start that journey!) about personal finance and entrepreneurship. By immersing ourselves in a community of like-minded individuals who are committed to financial growth and independence, we can start to see what’s possible for ourselves and gain the tools and support we need to get there.
How to bulletproof yourself to success
Of course, the journey of financial empowerment after betrayal is not always easy. There may be setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt along the way. So my advice for you is to be prepared for such challenges and make yourself a promise to not stop until you achieve your goal. You know why you’re doing this, and no matter what happens, you are going to put in the work to make it work.
Remember that growth and comfort rarely go hand in hand. If you want to truly transform your life and create the future you’ve been dreaming of, you’ve gotta be willing to get a little uncomfortable and take some bold, brave steps forward, even when it feels super scary or uncertain. I know it’s not easy, but I promise you’ve got this!
You are so much stronger and more capable than you even realize, and every single step you take outside your comfort zone is taking you closer to the life you truly deserve. So keep going, keep growing, and know that you’re never alone on this journey. You’ve got a whole community of fierce, fabulous women who have been right where you are, cheering you on every step of the way.
By staying connected to our vision and values and continuing to educate and empower ourselves, we can keep moving forward with confidence and resilience, one step at a time.
Like a Phoenix, That Rises From the Ashes
And remember, this journey is not just about money. It’s about reclaiming our sense of self, our autonomy, and our right to live a life of purpose and joy. It’s about breaking free from the cycle of betrayal and dependence and creating a future that truly reflects our deepest desires and dreams. Most importantly, it’s about real freedom of choice.
In Greek mythology, the Phoenix is a legendary bird that cyclically regenerates, rising from its own ashes after living for 500 years and setting itself on fire. This powerful symbolism of renewal and resilience has inspired art, literature, and philosophy for centuries, serving as a potent metaphor for the transformative power of self-renewal and the indomitable human spirit.
Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, we have the power within us to transform our lives and create something beautiful and meaningful out of even the most challenging circumstances. This process of self-renewal and empowerment is not just about external wealth, but about the intangible riches of self-love, creativity, and resilience that allow us to thrive in the face of any obstacle. By cultivating our own inner resources and building a life that truly reflects our values and passions, we become like the Phoenix, able to soar to new heights of abundance and fulfillment.
So keep going, keep growing, and keep believing in yourself. You are worthy of all the abundance, freedom, and happiness in the world. With every step you take towards financial empowerment, you are paving the way for a brighter future, not just for yourself but for all the women you can inspire and who will come after you.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into the journey of financial empowerment, I invite you to explore the other articles and resources on this blog. From practical budgeting tips to business ideas for beginners and inspiring stories of women who have overcome financial betrayal, there is a wealth of knowledge and support here to guide you on your way.
You’ve got this, gorgeous. Keep shining your light, and know that you are never alone on this path. We’re all in this together, and together, we rise.
With love, solidarity, and unwavering belief in you, your soul sister, Cris <3
Links
• If you want to know more about “Betrayal Blindness”, follow this link to check out the book
Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled by Jennifer Freyd (Disclosure: I might get a small percentage of your purchase)
• Self-fulfilling prophecy – Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-fulfilling_prophecy
• The American sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in his 1948 article “The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy,” which was later included in his book “Social Theory and Social Structure” (1957).
• If you’ve suffered abuse in your relationship or are experiencing any kind of violence, get in touch with The National Domestic Violence Hotline